Pandora's Jar

“Perhaps hope remained in Pandora’s box not as a comfort, but as a challenge. It whispers: ‘Now that you know the world’s darkness, what light will you create?'”

- Unknown

One of the more common paradoxes in human history. When presented with an opportunity to explore something you’d view as greater than yourself, one must be prepared for the consequences both good and bad. So, the question is, what do you do? Remain in comfort with the knowing of current circumstances existing in predictability and belonging or delve into the depths of the unknown where the ramifications could either be prolonged suffering or absolute bliss. In this position the choice made is irreversible. If you do choose exploration into the unknown there is no going back, whereas the choice of the known will keep you in your current state indefinitely. It’s my belief that we all have this choice presented to us on a daily basis which dictates the paths we take in life.

This post will cover my journey to making the decision I can no longer come back from.

The Beginning

My life was very grounded in the physical reality for the majority. I worked, played sports, went to school, then went to college, then worked a couple jobs before finding a career in a 9-5. A standard life that was checking the boxes dictated by what society views as “acceptable”. There was a pattern developing in my life however, the boxes of family, career and relationships were all checked so to the outside world I had it all. However, inside was torment. There was something within, a calling, that something didn’t feel right. As this voice grew louder it created problems in my personal relationships, which bled into familial relationships. My career was still in good shape and even found good success within it despite the disruption in close bonds. I seemingly had it all, yet it felt so empty. Things started to spiral in my personal life as I struggled finding footing amongst this new voice/guidance I was feeling, as I started to stand my ground and fight for what I felt was needed for fulfillment.

I’m one that’s been in long relationships since late high school into college. Loyalty is one of my keystone attributes. Yet, in spite of this I noticed my personal relationships were falling apart one after another and I couldn’t put my finger on it. Figured it was old wounds that I was overcompensating for or that I was due for some level of hardship, a “such is life” situation. That’s how I chose to view it in the moment, adversity to overcome.

The Middle

My Pandora’s Jar (box) moment came to me after I was rejected in a relationship that only lasted about three years, which was very difficult for me on multiple levels. One, because it was my shortest relationship. Two, because it was the first time I faced real rejection. As someone who historically puts people’s wants/needs over my own I took that loss hard. I withdrew from family, which I’ve not done to that point. I threw myself into full doubt about my worth and was in heartbreak mode as the ghosts from my past failed relationships seemingly all visited at once. It was my lowest point. That’s when something inside switched. A push of fire threw me into self-reflection in an effort to discover how I can seemingly have everything else figured out except my romantic relationships. While it’s the middle of the story, it was the beginning of my ascent into the unknown.

It started with journaling, asking myself the questions of why, what and how. Why am I struggling so much in this arena? Why do these relationships keep failing? What am I doing that keeps me in this loop? What am I supposed to be doing/learning? Associated with these questions and the investigation into why I couldn’t figure things out was the overwhelming sense of guilt. Guilt for dragging these other people into what turned out to be my cyclone and tearing through their lives. Guilt for putting my family through these journeys. They were difficult times with plenty of “below the line” feelings being the antagonists. Then it was as if someone was sitting in the room with me who tapped me on the shoulder and advised me to look deeper. This is when the choice was clear to me, and I chose to open the box. I threw myself into studies of Carl Jung as if that is where I was guided to. From there it became books like Meditations, Modern Man in Search of a Soul, the 48 laws of power, Human Hacking, etc. I read, I wrote fanatically in an effort to understand more of what lies beneath the surface we all exist on. My journal questions of the whys and whats sounded more like, why do people behave the way they do? How can we get deeper in touch with our subconscious? What is our relationship regarding connectivity to others? What universal controls do we have over our reality? It became my everyday and it hasn’t stopped since.

The End

This is where I’ve learned that once the box is opened it can’t be closed and nothing can be put back in. Once that journey begins there is no stopping it, as the thirst/desire for more understanding will continuously be present. While it all sounds great and “who wouldn’t want that” on the surface, there’s a dark side to it as there are pros and cons to all things. Once you choose the path of the unknown, you’ll start to notice a shift in your own personal relationships (friends/family). There starts to feel a bit of distance as the paths separate but run parallel. You’ll start to see underneath the behaviors/comments when having interactions with them. You’ll be better at identifying their energy more than the words they are saying. This awareness comes at a price, and that price is disconnection. Trips to the surface to enjoy an interaction become exhausting because you’re spending energy playing a character. Small talk becomes your nightmare as your fulfillment comes more identified with depth. You feel like an outcast as your lifestyle may change once you see through the mirage that is the 9-5 grind is the only way. You’ll feel judged although your close family/friends won’t say the words you’ll feel them just the same. You reserve yourself for deep connection while playing the game on the surface with people who’ve chosen to remain there. There will be times you long for when life was simpler, where you could stay on the surface and enjoy the interactions and not feel the impact of the energy behind the interactions/words. You’ll observe people more, understanding the games they play with each other which can leave you feeling hopeless. Where once you may have been described as “fun” or “engaging” you’re now seen as aloof and distant. At times it can be a lonely road. Once you’ve opened the box however it demands your commitment because you made the choice for a reason and that reason is in search of something greater than. That’s the endgame, but the timeline is your own.

Conclusion

To be clear, there’s nothing wrong with either decision. They are merely decisions and everyone in your life is here doing life for the first time as they know it. Being aware can help you discern much easier but be careful not to judge others for making decisions that you may not make. That has been a huge lesson for me. It’s my belief there’s a balance to be struck between the worlds, and while I’ve yet to achieve that balance, I do think my journey is still ongoing and when I’ve reached a certain level balance will be easier to come by. IF opening the box is what you choose prepare yourself that true bliss may not necessarily be achieved in this lifetime, but remember, your legacy is being willing and content with planting the seeds for trees that provide the shade in which you don’t expect to sit.

Contact

Exploring ideas to inspire deep philosophical dialogue.

Dialogue

Thoughts

moderndaymusings1@gmail.com

© 2024. All rights reserved.